How I Went From Barely Functioning to Crushing My Goals

Show the F*ck Up

I used to make long, unrealistic to-do lists filled with everything I wanted to accomplish in a day. But by the end of it, I never got the satisfaction of crossing things off, and a depressive episode would follow. My brain would immediately spiral downward:

Why are you so f*cking lazy?

Why can everyone else do this, but you can’t?

There you go, failing again.

You will never be successful or amount to anything in life.

You’re wasting so much time. You’re never going to reach your goals.

And then, to cope with these thoughts, I’d:

🍔 Order Uber Eats—again.

📺 Press play on the show I’d been binge-watching.

😭 Cry in bed. Or at my desk. Having an existential crisis.

💤 Sleep. Or just stare at the ceiling, thinking about how much of a failure I was until I cried some more.

For a moment, these coping mechanisms made me feel better—until I woke up the next morning with an emotional “hangover.” I’d already start the day feeling like a depleted failure, with no energy or courage to make another to-do list. So I’d go straight into my coping cycle: Ordering Uber Eats, crying, staring at the ceiling, and repeating.

This was the relentless loop I was stuck in for most of my 20s. Looking back, it was so painful because deep down, I knew I was capable of achieving my dreams. But I kept telling myself something was wrong with me. I thought I was just lazy. I thought I didn’t want it badly enough.

Everything changed when I learned about my capacity. That was the turning point that finally helped me break free and start making real progress toward my big goals. Sometimes all you have to do is understand yourself and meet yourself where you are currently.

How I Got Out of It

I wish I had known this sooner: I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t any of the negative things I called myself. My capacity just wasn’t big enough to handle everything I wanted to do—yet. Let me explain by drawing you some pictures!

Step 1: I admitted that my current capacity was much smaller than the capacity required.

Have you ever looked at someone you admire—someone you consider successful—and wondered how they manage to get so much done in a day? Knowing that if you tried to do half of what they did, you’d need the world’s longest nap by noon?

For me, that person was my mom. From the moment she woke up to the moment she fell asleep, she was on it—knocking things off her to-do list like a machine. She has always been superwoman to me. The way she managed her businesses, raised three kids, kept a spotless home, and cooked homemade meals—all with ease—left my jaw on the floor. This woman was nonstop.

And here I was, in my early 20s, exhausted before the day even started. How was my mom operating at full speed while I felt drained the second I opened my eyes? (Especially after crying all night).

Then, shortly after I turned 30, it hit me like a ton of bricks: My mom’s capacity had been stretched over time. She wasn’t born with it—she built it. And I hadn’t built mine yet.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but back then, I struggled with simple everyday tasks—washing the dishes, making my bed, and even taking a shower. These things felt like mountains I had to climb. I’d leave my sink full of dishes for days, making it ten times harder on myself when I finally had to clean them.

And if I was struggling with basic day-to-day tasks, imagine trying to add writing a book or becoming a coach on top of that. Of course, I ended every day feeling like shit about myself.

Step 2: I realized that I kept failing because the current me can’t handle what the future me can.

I had to realize that I was trying to jump into the capacity of my future self (the version of me that accomplished her goals). That was a problem because my current capacity could not handle the everyday tasks required to get there. For example, I wanted to write a book, be in shape, be a podcast host, and have a YouTube channel. The daily tasks it takes to succeed at all of them at the same time wasn’t something I could handle.

This helped me stop feeling like an absolute failure and gave me what I felt like a secret formula to achieving anything I want. It gave me a better understanding of myself, and why things haven’t worked for me and what to do differently moving forward.

Step 3: Stretching my capacity over time.

It was hard to admit, but I needed to humble myself. Stretching my capacity meant setting small attainable goals. I feel like this was the hardest part for me to do. Getting out of the mindset that I needed to do it all, and right now to see results with anything, was the most toxic thing about me. It’s what held me back for so long.

Taking small daily steps helped me grow my capacity and to be able to handle more things at a time. The version of me from 5 years ago would be shocked with what I am able to accomplish in one day now. Not only am I able to do basic everyday tasks, but I am a mother, I have a job and I am also the coach I wanted to be. I am able to handle it all and still have downtime. All because I learned that all I had to do was give myself time to allow my capacity to stretch overtime.

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Are you also an ambitious person who also struggles to do everyday tasks and wonders how you are going to meet your goals? Let me know how you are going to begin stretching your capacity in the comments.

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